shila iris poetry | Earth & Ether

The Last Day in February: The Tears that Formed Lake Victoria

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… my heart stopped
for a minute it skipped beats
I held on to the side of the well
head lowered, looking down into darkness
tears flowed freely
I had given so much
my space
my support
my time
he asked for more
he asked for things that he, himself could not give
he required much,
but gave so little
how could I allow this?

unfriendly palpitations
took the breath of me
unkind words
took the rest
leaving me speechless
our conversations dwindled
confusion
control
confinement
avoidance
I forgot who I was
and so did he |

but

i need to hear you praise me
I am Queen
i need you to reciprocate
I am esteemed
i need you to rise to my occasion
for I am the one who brought you light
i need you to ask me,
be a Pisces
if you think that you must have more
then please, dismiss me
i am worth every drop of blood
I am warrior royalty
so, if you’re not willing to fight
goodbye

retrospective:
i think that you are beautiful,
to someone you belong
you are just not tuned to play my song

the spring is coming
making revolutions around far off sunsets
triggering early sunrise
you will find what you are looking for

she is the haram of your harem
could your sin be pretend?

Photo from the Jackie Laryea blog

from The Last Day in February: The Story of Kitara and the Tears that Formed Lake Victoria (unclassified poetry in motion by Shila Iris)

Neolithic Heart

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“I want to see you.

Know your voice.

Recognize you when you
first come ’round the corner.

Sense your scent when I come
into a room you’ve just left…”
-Rumi

——————————————

NEOLITHIC HEARTS

Our spirits speak.

From where you are
to where I am,
I can hear your heart,
beat.
Sometimes over the loudness of my own
I lay down,
defeat.
When I can,
I give in, to the sound of your resounding love.

Like a gong, like a drum,
the pulse penetrates
underneath
my skin,
closest to kin,
I touch the surfaces of your existence,
decoding the braille,
the bumps,
I exhale,
Life is so mystical.
Breathing, I inhale,
the essence.

Languages, unknown
I hear, in my dreams.
ancient mysteries.
In my mind,
I contrive,
I find,
myself succumbing to
the caress of fingers,
of stories,
of memories.
of things,
so true.
Vivid answers,
vivid truths. -shilairis

Karmatic Life Explosions

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Monday morning anxieties,
washed away
visions of forever,
lost.
the comprehension of humanity,
gained.
living contradictions,
fly away.
no judgment of before, or after
new stories, begin

living on the path of the sun
i orbit
my heart beats to
the length and rhythm of day and night

seasons change
shape and speed, rotation leads

the past is gone,
the future, unpredictable,
the moment is now.

the love that I grew for you is 360
energy, recycled,
i don’t know what to do.
but the thought doesn’t make me blue,
my heart goes out to you.

degrees from experience,
and karmatic life explosions
there is no equation,
it’s all in persuasion.
which mountain do you stand on?
outlook and perspective
lost emphasis in translation

did they forget that there is
no Always, no Never
It’s Possibly, Maybe.
promises turn shady

the lava from volcanic eruptions
bring me closer to my Maker,
i am the Creator.
This side of the moon,
life is worth living.
free your mind
and the rest, will follow. -by shilairis

_________________

kar·ma

ˈkärmə/ > informal

destiny or fate, following as effect from cause.

_________________

peace and love,

Queen OSiRis

I Love You Too Daddy

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“When you become a parent, your needs no longer are the priority.”

My father looked into my 30 year old eyes. He knew that I had been going through some things. He stared. He couldn’t look away. I could tell that he wanted to save me. I didn’t have to tell him the details because he already knew. He could feel my pain. He hugged me and told his favorite story of me from my childhood. He said, “you don’t know how much I love you. My baby girl! I can’t believe that you are a grown woman.” I gave him a soft smile, in hopes of disguising my pain. I said nothing. My intent was to forgive. I love you too daddy.

This post is to commend the fathers who make their children the #1 priority in their lives.

Indonesia. Borneo rain forest. Dyak manand daughter.

Up until the age of 8, I saw my father mostly everyday. Then I lost him to the world. He abused drugs, he abused women, and he abused himself. I became afraid of him. He chose these things over me. He chose women over me. He chose the streets over me. He did this for years and no one talked about it. The anger festered. By the age of 15, I was completely and utterly disgusted by him. He was no longer mine. I had to become a woman without him. I no longer wanted him around. The rotten life he’d chosen stunk. I could smell him coming miles away. I ran from him. I couldn’t stand his presence. It wasn’t so much that I blamed him for anything, it was just, I’d seen him using drugs and it destroyed my image of him. I didn’t know what to say.

I moved away with no send off from my father. I discovered other men. I indulged. I then began to miss him, but I ignored him. He’s always been a loving man. Even through his chaos, he tried to be a part of my life. My heart was ice cold. I could feel him pulling on the strings of my heart. He felt heavy. It took years, but I finally let go of the anger! It wasn’t him that was heavy, he was only a man. Men aren’t perfect. It was me. It was the anger that I was holding onto that was heavy. I had to learn how to shed the burden of judgment. I had to accept his struggle. I have.

Life feels so much better this way. It hasn’t been easy letting go of the anger, but I have and my father has become my friend. He is my protection. He decided that he wanted to be there for me, to stand up for me and he has. The past seems so far away. Thank you daddy for holding my hand.

This post is to commend the fathers who make their children the #1 priority in their lives. In finding my true self, I discovered that the time in which my father was absent most certainly affected my life. It made me weaker in areas where I should have been strong. It made me susceptible to bullshit. It made me think that it was OK to be a rebound. I wanted that male presence. So I compromised. I allowed myself to be treated like a bad habit. I wasn’t the woman that I needed to be. Now, I get to be that. I get to be stronger. I get to blossom into my Queendom. I have forgiven my father, but most importantly, I have forgiven myself. I can finally move forward with LOVE.

I know that it certainly isn’t easy having children. It takes time, commitment, and patience. No child asks to be born. When you become a parent, your needs no longer are the priority. The needs of the child are most important. In the current state of our society, relationships end and children sway in the wind like leaves. Parents pay their child support and see their children sparingly. Don’t let that be your reality. Give your attention and time to your children. Treat them like fixtures in your life. Set your own emotions aside and spend time daily with them. It will pay off. Peace and love to you daddy.

You are my King.

Shila Iris for AfriKan Essence, Thursday, October 16, 2014, 8:56 a.m.

“Affirmation: Today, I will not dwell on the past or the future. I have no need for either, when I step fully into the present. I will no longer hold onto pain until it becomes anger. I will no longer hold onto to pleasure before it becomes an addiction. I will not anticipate pain or pleasure in the future to relieve anxiety. The present is the home of my being. Past and future are only the dreams of whom I was or what I might become. Today, I will release the past and its burden of wounded dreams.

Pulling From the Universe Inside of ME – Nurturing My Cipher

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I was trying to go it alone, but he said, “I want to assist you through this process.” Before I knew it, I was crying. That is the impact a true friend has. It’s not just rhetoric, it’s responsibility. He wanted to hold my hand. He was pure.

***** The seasons will forever change. We all know it. The leaves have fallen off my trees. The ground beneath my feet is hard and cold. My flowers are hiding until the spring, but I can still feel the green, the roots. My foundation is being set. I’ve never felt this powerful in my life! It feels good. My season has changed and I’ve had to spend a lot of time alone. Spending time with myself, with my own thoughts, not being dependent on another has been empowering! Not jumping from affair to affair has been elevating. Having friends and family around who see the greatness in me, has been nourishing. I am not afraid to be alone anymore or to commit to myself anymore. I’m thinking, if you can’t be alone with you, why would other people want to? I don’t want to attract the same type of energy again and again, so I guess it is time to cleanse!

I record my experiences using poetry. When I talk to people about how great it feels to go through things, no matter how painful, when I tell people my story, they are interested! I’ve been encouraged to always be a griot, a storyteller, and to use the magic of my words to nurse my strength. When I write, I can feel the magic. It’s healing. I am a writer who’s finds the most comfort in telling my own story. My journey through the seasons has been tumultuous. I had been holding on to things that were damaging me. I had read many self-help books that I thought would assist in my healing, only to realize that the healing didn’t start until I let go of the thing that was hurting me most. I had to take time out to learn myself and although I have been alone, many people have come to me, and given me hugs, smiles, kisses, and so much love.

This is my thank you LETTER to the wonderful people in my CIPHER. Some of you are miles away, but when I needed you, somehow you sensed it, and you were right here with me. I am forever grateful. May we journey onward through the seasons. Everything is good until it is not! It’s been a long time coming… read (click on the image below to enlarge)

“his excitement in hearing my voice was attractive. it always had been. it felt real. not rehearsed. it felt right.”

the THANK YOU LETTER… you have to adjust your screens to read.

and although, i don’t need to run to people to save me, i’ve realized that there are people who genuinely want to help. No matter how much I refuse, they feel like they have to. It’s quite amazing. I am grateful. this poem was originally published here, on January 29, with other things in mind. It is still relevant in my journey. it is not a love poem. it is a poem to show my regards for those who really CARE about me. and they have proven this time and time again. i can’t believe how wonderful you are. i deserve u. i miss u.

THANK YOU SO MUCH! Thank you friends, lovers, family, companions, artists- everyone who has experienced me! Everyone who rose to my occasion, everyone who was interested in the truth.

You are so true.

i can see the sun shining on me, through you.

i can see it in the words that you write.

the pictures that you take.

the stories that you create.

your style,

your flow.

i needed honesty.

i needed someone to remind me.

and you were that person.

i want to be like you!

Osiris, I am you.

Horus, I am you.

Isis, I am you.

Maat, I am you.

Zarina Asha, I am you.

Imhotep Famj, I am you.

SunRe, I am you.

Kitara, i am you.

Ike Ejiogu, I am you.

You all are the Papyrus of Ani,

and i am reading you thoroughly.

thank you for the warm kisses.

thank you for SHOWING up.

thank you for not giving up on ME,

and not allowing me to give up on myself.

thank you for not humiliating me or lying.

I thank you for never running away,

and for respecting me enough to let me live through the consequences of my bad decisions. i kept a strong face, but I was crying inside. you all never passed judgment… i am running towards you at a fast pace, I need you most.

My opposing viewpoints earned me lifetime lovers. thank you for taking my heart carefully in your hands and stroking it.

through my experiences, I am wiser.

My feet are touching solid ground because of you.

I am most grateful for those who did not wait for the smoke to clear.

they helped me get to safety.

they gave me the tools, the support I needed to save myself.

No looking back. The new is on the horizon.

i am filling myself up again with REAL things!

thank you so much!

to those who did not compare my journey to their own or anyone’s.

they did not look for opportunities to vent,

they listened.

they allowed me to exist in exclusivity.

they allowed me to be in the lime light.

those who just accepted me for who i am.

those who did not share my pain with the world.

or talk about me in circles as if they had any idea what life has been like for me.

you don’t know me at all.

Thank you to all who allow me to tell my own stories.

thank you to those who did not stump on me.

their insecurities did not force me into a corner.

their insecurities did not force me to lie.

their confidence encouraged me to be free,

to be happy, to be merry,

and not to live my life trying to please people who really don’t love me.

they helped me to see that I cannot be controlled.

i am in control of me.

they helped me to not seek revenge,

but to release the things that bound me.

Friend: “Let it go baby!

LET IT GO BABY!”

i was so blind, but now i see.

you listened to my story. you listened to the truth.

asante sana. nakupenda. lala salama.

I am Shila Iris also known as YoU.

Gotta give up it up to the cReAtor, allAh, JEHovah, mAAt, Jah, RastaFARI…

a song for you.

ERYKAH BADU: THE Healer

Monday, October 13, 2014, 2:34 p.m.

NATIONAL POETRY MONTH – A Poem 4U

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I wrote this poem weeks ago, but I just got the opportunity to share it.

“Busy as a bee, I be, in constant rotation. Smiling out loud to the people in my face, I race, I learn to win. I keep going and going, drifting in the wind. Feeling the breeze as the branches on my trees, shake. Leaves fall to the ground. Children race to collect to the gifts from my pinata, my arms open wide. I embrace. I cry today, for the poet inside of them that wants to be free…”

In honor of National Poetry Month, I write. This is called…

Click the image of the poem to enlarge.

Peace 4 Love,

Queen Duafe aka Shila Iris aka Kush Queen

National Poetry Month- Erykah Badu the Poet

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For National Poetry Month, I would like to honor Queen Erykah Badu who has been my favorite artist since the first time I saw her in 1998, running across the TV screen singing “On and On.” In the video she portrayed a maid which was based on the movie adaptation of The Color Purple written by Alice Walker. I found her to be mesmerizing then, and I still do. Here is a poem she performed on Def Poetry Jam:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEXu6UmRPZc

Pure hotness!

In addition to her wonderful poetry, earth-moving lyrics, and gracefully eclectic style, Erykah possesses a great deal of wisdom on life, making many people feel rewarded by her presence. She is on the May 2014 cover of Essence Magazine along with Ledisi and Solange. I can’t wait to read the article. Check out these beauties. Listen to her words on HAVING THE COURAGE TO BE BEAUTIFUL AND TO BE YOURSELF

This is what I am listening to today:

She also has one of the best albums of all time for me: Mama’s Gun

Check out the good reads:

Queen shila iris for african essence

Not Loving the Lies… a poetic experience

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Just wanted to share some poetry.

As I listen and listen to the stories of my acquaintances, I am realizing that people are saying the same things and telling the same lies. I am trying to express that here. I hear this so much: “I don’t want to hurt anyone.” Well, your choice to withhold information will lead to pain. That is the way that cookie crumbles. We have to start being wiser about the truth. You may think you have your lies under control, but guess what. Not really.

… but I don’t want to judge. Smiling.

Kush