Day 5 – KWANZAA AFTER DARK: Baduizm

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“Peace and blessings manifest with
every lesson learned
If your knowledge were your wealth then
it would be well earned”   -Erykah Badu

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Today’s Kwanzaa theme is NIA otherwise known as Purpose. When I think of purpose, I think of my Identity, of our identity, and the restoration of the traditional greatness in the Black/Brown family. Our greatness has been repressed because we have been oppressed, but I can feel the blood of my ancestors running through my veins. It feels amazing. I know that I am wonderful, and I know that it means something to have this history inside of me.

Today, my NIA gift to you is Baduizm, an album that helped me to realize my Greatness. FrontBack

It’s been seventeen years since Erykah Badu released Baduizm. I was 13 at the time, and I remember being mesmerized by her music. I saw the video for On and On and was hooked! Good for me, my mom was into Badu, so she purchased the tape and played it frequently. I was right there by her side, listening to every lyric.

“I can’t believe
That we’re still livin’
Oh, in this crazy, crazy world
That I’m still livin’

With all the problems of the day
How can we go on? Hey
So tired of hearin’ people say
“How can we go on?”

Fantasy people
Make believe people
How can you go on? Yeah
But you’re still livin’ ” – from the song “Drama”

Erykah’s energy seemed to awaken something inside of me. At the time, I couldn’t identify what it was, but it seemed more spiritual than anything. To this day, she is still intoxicating and her lyrics touch my soul. I don’t exactly feel like I am a fan of hers, I feel more of a ethereal kinship to her. I feel the wealth of her knowledge reflected through her music.

As a gift, please enjoy the messages behind the music. Let the baselines take you into the lands and into the hearts of your ancestors. If you can, check out this book on Badu:

1EBEB1

Sometimes we get knocked off course. We get lost in love, sick, distracted by technology, confused, hurt, but we have to remember that we are GREAT. We are more than whatever they told us we are! We should look to ourselves to find our history. KNOWing yourself is fulfilling your purpose. 

Peace and love,

Queen Shi-La on the throne…

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8:30 p.m. 12/30/14

DAY 4 – KWANZAA AFTER DARK: #DontTakEitPERSONAL

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#DontTakEitPERSONAL  #butINeedtoWork   #toThrive  #iCANTreallySEEyouRightNow

Having had experiences with family, friends, and associates who have run successful businesses as freelancing consultants, personal trainers, artists, designers, accountants, teachers, and writers- rather it be part or full time, I realized that they could always use my support. Everyone needs a support system to either help or just be there when they need you. Over the years I am proud to say that I have shown people so much support in their endeavors. My biggest offering has always been my time. Nevertheless, I have spent a lot of money making sure people were financially secure.

I have purchased items such as handmade jewelry, girl scout cookies, body oils; I have taken classes and fundraised for people. I have helped friends plan events for work and sometimes I even showed up with lunch when I knew that someone couldn’t stop working to grab a bite to eat. More recently, I have learned that support sometimes means giving someone space and time, so that they can manage their work. This is probably one of the biggest things you can do for a person, leave them alone, so that they can WORK!

So in the spirit of #CooperativeEconomics otherwise known as #Ujamaa

KeepCalm

As the year comes to an end, I realize just how important it is to be able to set a goal and see it through. It takes hard work and determination. It also takes being on a strict schedule, sometimes meaning days of confinement and solitude- not even a phone call! Now is the time that many people set goals, and I am one of those people. Never before have I been able to see my goals through, but with the right support system, it is most definitely possible. You have to make sacrifices to achieve because it remains to be true that things worth having require work! I am working, and sometimes I need space. I have made a lot of sacrifices to get where I am- to a place where I can set goals, and stay on top of them. I have given up some things like going out, socializing, etcetera, but its what I had to do, to save time and money because I am going to need it for my future plans!

#setgoalsANDseeTHEMthrough

So in light of this, if your friends cease being available to sit around and socialize, try to comprehend why, rather then write them off as a horribly selfish person. Show your support by giving them the time they need to work.

#shesNOTselfish #sheWANTSaFUTURE #datingCanBEoverrated  #hardWorkLeadstoPlay #IwantToPlayOverseas #giveHIMspace

Peace and love,

Shila_Bobby Williams photo

Queen OSiRis

p.S. If you need the support, I can do what I can when I have the time. I will either say yes, or no. #DontTakEitPERSONAL. Peace. –  8:00 p.m. 12/29/14

A book that I will continue to suggest:

TWO THOUSAND SEASONS by Ayi Kwei Armah #LifeChangingBooks

Day 3 – KWANZAA AFTER DARK: THE real Work starts at Home

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“Nothing can satisfy me like a hug or a kiss from my mother, my sister, my brother, or my father.”  -Shila Iris

Ujima principle teaches each family member to recognize that their own well-being is derived from their family and community. Our lives are bound together.

I have learned that taking care of your family and fostering good and honest relationships with true friends, is one of the most revolutionary things you can do in this life. It takes hard work and lots of lovin.’ It takes humility to be there for your family, and it takes discipline and respect, not to cross lines with your friends. Before this year, I honestly had no idea what a real community felt like.

My community is my family, my community is my friends. When we are all strong, then we can change the world. I want to feed them first.

Last night, I was talking to my best friend and all of a sudden, I was crying. I got off of the phone with him and lay in bed wondering, how will I survive this? The past few months of my life haven’t been easy. These are some extremely trying times. Great change takes work! Those who saw me through this, empowered me by doing real things like providing any type of support I needed, rather it be financial or just a listening ear; they’ve cooked healthy meals for me and smiled with me and basked in my glory. I have learned so much.

I lay in bed and after a few minutes, my friend called back and he said these very sweet words to me:

“You don’t have to do this alone. You never do. I will be here. I know how it feels. I will come and sit with you if you’d like. You should know that I love you and that is what I am here for. I can help.”

That is Collective Work & Responsibility. The real work starts at home.

Peace and love,

Shila Iris 

Queen Shila Iris 8:30 p.m. 12/28/14

Day 2 – KWANZAA AT SUNSET: Alláh-u-Abhá الله أبهى

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“Every time you suppress some part of yourself or allow others to play you small, you are in essence ignoring the owner’s manual your Creator gave you and destroying your design.”             – Oprah Winfrey

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Last night, I accidentally reset my phone to its factory settings. At first, I started pushing lots of buttons trying to prevent the phone from erasing the past few months of my life! I was frantic! Then, I stopped and just smiled. I said, “wow Universe, you are a trip!” The previous day, I had realized that my phone was reaching its capacity for storage space. So, I had planned to back it up on my computer, but failed to do so. I guess the phone said, “no need, I’ll clear myself out!”

I was holding on to phone numbers of people who I no longer speak to, text messages, pictures, social media riffraff– all things that I just didn’t need anymore. Moving this stuff from my phone to my computer would not have done any good. It needed to be erased.

For a moment I was sad because I had lost contacts, beautiful and poetic text messages, pictures of my family, notes, documents. I had to stop and think, reflect. I realized that what I was losing wasn’t nearly as important as the new things that I am creating! The people who I need to talk to will call. The Universe told me so. The messages that I need to remember are already in my heart and indelibly printed in my mind.

♥ ♥ So my DAY 2 gift to you, is a challenge because what is life without a challenge? ♥

RESET YOUR LIFE TO ITS FACTORY SETTINGS. Stop holding on to “stuff.” Sometimes it is wise to treat your stuff like a house that caught fire- it’s gone, you can’t turn back the hands of time. It happened just as it should have. Where’s your faith?

The Kujichagulia principle says African Americans, like all people, need shared cultural values, symbols, rituals, and practices in order to give their families and children meaning and value, identity and community.

To find these rituals, if you so wish to repeat those of your ancestors, you have to dig into the stacks, and find your history. Your history says that you are GOD. Find out what Khem is, and study hieroglyphs, such as the ankh. These things are more than symbols to wear as pieces of jewelry, they represent a lifestyle, practices that are very beneficial to the spirit. Very few people embrace what these symbols mean, but you can. Find your GOD.


As I enter into another year, I won’t hold on to the junk mail. The baggage has to go! Each person that I encounter, each experience, is fresh. I don’t want to anchor myself in the past, nor anticipate the future to the point that I am constantly worried about things (such as social constructs). So, I would like to thank the Most High, for resetting my phone to its factory settings because I was not bold enough to do it myself. I would’ve picked through and tried to save, but what was lost, needed to be gone.

So I woke up this morning, and the first person who sends me a text message is Jala Rani. I recently got to spend some time with this beautiful sister, and it is something about her that is magnificent. The way she moves, her warmth, her touch is that of a kindred spirit. To sit and talk to her felt like I was talking to myself. She’s very young and vibrant, but in that moment, she felt like an ancestor- with wisdom, respect, and charm. She was judgment free! She spoke to me about the pain she’s experienced in life, nature, diet, thrifting- we jumped around, but it was all beautiful!

The message that she sent to me this morning was about Kujichagulia, otherwise known as SELF-DETERMINATION. She asked some very important questions, and they…

____________________________________________________   inspired me to write…

I lift you up, just the way you are    There is nothing about you that I would change    Not a flaw, not a thing    The Universe sent you to me, in this format    I place no judgment    I thank your mother for delivering you to the world    I thank your father for planting the seed     I thank everyone who has encountered you    for they have watered you and made you fit for this moment   what you are today,    is my kinG, my Queen    when YOU turned and smiled at me,    I saw what is called,    HEAVEN     I saw honesty     You are everything     That you are supposed to be     So don’t worry about their standards     Don’t worry about what they say     Don’t worry about anything outside of you because you are the HIGHest     and each day, I pray, that you get higher and higher     I see you stand alone, fearlessly,     not seeking validation.      I see you loving yourself     I see you sleeping alone, coveting your own bed    I see you, unafraid and unmoved by their interpretations of the truth     I see GOD in you     i see you push reset    uplifting yourself,    just the way god made you     hold on to those memories that bring forth light    we collect a lot throughout our journeys,      but today,        hold on to you.      Hug yourself,      think of nothing but what gOD gave you,

and that gift is You.

“Now, I know, that you don’t know me at all

But if you know yourself
Well, then you know me very well”             -Indie Arie

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When I speak of Alláh-u-Abhá, I am referencing the oneness of GOD and the spiritual Unity of humankind. You must be able to see the GOD inside of YOU. Take your focus off of everyone else, and see ONLY YOU. Turn the mirror around and let it face YOU. What you see, must be GOD. Alláh-u-Abhá, translates to, “God is Most Glorious.” It’s an Arabic greeting that is repeated 95 times a day. So instead of checking your Facebook, or your Instagram 15 times a day, try chanting, Alláh-u-Abhá. You are great! I just thought I should tell you that.


LASTLY, I don’t encourage people to necessarily throw things away, especially people, we are NOT disposable. However, if you care about someone or something, throw away those painful feelings that make you hate them. Most importantly, throw away the painful feelings that make you hate yourself.  If when you think of anyone or anything, and you become enraged, it is time to examine yourself. Typically, people don’t just do things to intentionally hurt, and when they do, you’ll know that for sure. But people do things, when they feel threatened, when they feel like they aren’t being taken serious. If someone hurt you, try to understand why. Don’t be so selfish as to think, it was all about you. Remember that things happen for a reason. Buttttttttttttttt…

let your shit, your baggage burn in the fire. Earlier this year, I got to attend a ceremony with a group of teachers who wrote things on slips of paper- negative things that they were holding on to in regards to their careers and what goes on in the classroom. They threw these slips of paper in the fire. I know that change isn’t as simple as throwing a slip of paper into the fire, but the symbolism was to say, let it go. Remember the love. You know you want it! Stop being angry and stop acting like you are a victim, as if you’ve done nothing wrong. Balance your life out with the TRUTH.

So in the end, I say, find your GOD and if that God is you, may peace be with you.

“Let us, in shaping our own Destiny set before us the qualities of human JUSTICE, LOVE, CHARITY, MERCY AND EQUITY. Upon such foundation let us build a race.  I feel that the God who is Divine, the Almighty Creator of the world, shall forever bless this race of ours, and who to tell that we shall not teach men the way to life, liberty and true human happiness? ”                       -Marcus Garvey

I love you. Thank you for reading.

Queen OSiRis of the Kingdom of Kush 5:00 p.m. 12/27/14

Crux Ansata

DAY 1 – KWANZAA AFTER DARK: Surah 31:18

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“Let’s take, a long walk, around the park, after dark
Find a spot, for us to spark,
Conversation, verbal elation, stimulation
Share our situations, temptations, education, relaxations
Elevations, maybe we can talk about Surah 31:18”

                                                                                 -Jill Scott

Surah 31:18

“Do not treat men with scorn, nor walk proudly on the earth: God does not love the arrogant and the vainglorious. Rather let your stride be modest and your voice low: the most hideous of voices is braying of the ass.”

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Today’s Kwanzaa theme is UMOJA, otherwise known as Unity. When I think of unifying, I imagine traveling in harmony with someone, or with people who respect me, uplift, and are honest with me. Unifying takes a lot of courage. It is more than holding someone’s hand, it is empowering them and accepting them for who they are. It is respecting the space and the boundaries of others. It is listening with an open heart. It is acknowledging that everyone is human and that we all make mistakes:

“Your background, it ain’t squeaky clean (shit)
Sometimes we all got to swim upstream
You ain’t no saint, we all are sinners
But you put your good foot down, and make your soul a winner,

I respect that, man you’re so phat
And you’re all that, plus SUPREME
Then you’re humble, man I’m numb
Yo’ feeling, I can feel everything that you bring”

                                                                -Jill Scott

Today, my Umoja GIFT to you: Who Is Jill Scott? Words and Sounds Vol. 1

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO “A LONG WALK”

Who Is Jill Scott? Words and Sounds, Vol. 1

Nearly 15 years ago, Jill Scott released this very impressive album, which quickly floated towards the top of the charts, swiftly garnering mass public respect and a positive critical response selling 2 million copies. In its entirety, the album is a beautiful and emotional experience of love. The lyrics are erotic, exotic, and express her deepest feelings. She is remarkably honest and raw, singing and reciting poetry straight from the heart, no chaser. Words and Sounds Vol. 1 is crammed with playful love and sincere desire.

As a gift, let us be reminded of the concept of UNITY. Unity starts inside of you. It is important to be ONE with who you are, then, you can spread that love! Let us UNIFY in TRUTH. Let us not be afraid to tell each other how we really feel. Let us always find power in admitting our mistakes, because to hide behind them is death. Let us not throw away our love in the misunderstandings of a weak heart:

Surah 31:16 – “My son, God will bring all things to light, be they small as a grain of mustard seed, be they hidden inside a rock or in the heavens or the earth. Gracious is God, the Universe, all-knowing.

With that said, I am glad that you are here!

“You’re here, I’m pleased
I really dig your company
Your style, your smile, your peace mentality
Lord, have mercy on me
I was blind, now I can see
What a KING’s supposed to be
Baby I feel Free, come on and go with me”

                                                        -Jill Scott

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…and in the spirit of Unity, please remember that you can be a honorable woman or man, you just have to be pure and honest to form great relationships. Walk towards those who don’t hide from who they are; unify with those who want to hear the truth.

“…maybe we can talk about Revelation 3:17”

                                                       -Jill Scott

You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.

Well, I’m headed out for my long walk, around the park, after dark! Peace and love.

Thank you for reading, baby. I love you too. 8:00 p.m. 12/26/14.

Queen OSiRis

Shila_Bobby Williams photo

P.S. Remember your roots. Foster good and pure relationships. Let a friend be a friend, let a lover be a lover. Don’t cross lines. Don’t lie.

Umoja principle instructs that each member of the family, and by extension, the community, is constituted by a web of interpersonal relationships. The health and possibilities of the family and community, therefore, is dependent upon the quality of relationship within the family and community.

SocialMedia1 @shila_iris

Honey is the only food that contains all the substances necessary to sustain life.

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“I felt her sting. The pain from this little bee was elephantine. Still I wanted her honey… ”

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The HONEY bee is the only insect that produces food eaten by the human being. It has many health benefits and comes in a variety of colors and flavors, depending upon the hive of its origin.

Honey is the only food that contains all the substances necessary to sustain life. 

IT   HAS   THERAPEUTIC   MEDICINAL   NUTRITIONAL   &   COSMETIC  VALUE

Honey is immortal. Archaeologists have found perfectly good pots of it inside of Egyptian tombs. It is the food of royalty, so I’m consuming!

METAPHORICALLY SPEAKING ———      In my travels, I have come across more and more beautiful women who reminded me of honey. Sometimes, I am bold enough to strike up a conversation with these women and I must say, so many of them are interesting. They share the traits of this life-sustaining staple- pure, raw, and everlasting! ———

During childhood, my mother lovingly refered to me as honey. “Honey,” she’d say, “can you go upstairs and bring me my nail polish?” Back then I was quiet and sweet! And I was most definitely a worker bee, the one who she could depend on. With all of my ‘honey love’ and beauty, sometimes I could be rather sluggish. She said, that I didn’t always immediately respond to things, but I did eventually, and when I did, it most definitely was worth the wait! I was thinking and processing. I still do.

If you decide to love honey, you must embrace everything about it. 

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She is honey.

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HONEY’S NO FLING, SHE LASTS FOREVER. She’s a reflection of my imperfection. SOMETIMES I CANNOT SEE MYSELF.

But looking into her eyes, she REMINDs
ME OF WHO I AM
My arrogance, my inability to see
honey makes it clear to me

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She is HONEY.

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I put honey on my wounds, cause she promotes healing
I pursue honey, cause she never goes bad
I rock with the queen bee, her spirit is the largest in the hive
I am in love with the juice she produce
I’m in love with her sting, she’s awakening
I had a lot of girls, but not too many was like her
She was…

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She is honey.

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I really adore this girl. She’s always got my back. I need help with work, she’s typing. I need help carrying the weight of the world, she straps it on her back. My car breaks down, she’s driving! I’m hungry, she’s ready to feed me the juices of her existence. Forever helping me, she is the love of my life. I don’t want to lose her. She is me. She is HONEY.

I SEE ELEMENTS OF my PERSONALITY IN SO MANY WOMEN.
I SEE THE GOOD, THE BAD, the beautiful, AND THE UGLY- all in which I adore. I like you with your flaws. All I want to do is add to your queendom. Unselfishly, I submit my love to you.
I am HONEY. and so are you.
Peace and love. Exist.
Shila Iris as Kush aka OSiRis RiSinG
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Care to Listen. Ohio Players. A Taste of Honey. Boogie oogie oogie. AL GREEN: Simply Beautiful. I’ve Learned to Respect, the Power of Love:  Stephanie Mills.  “I’m in Love with a Bumblebee” HONEY: ERYKAH BADU.

Care to read. Continue reading

Royalty: The Throne of Osiris

A few years ago, I saw this chair in a handmade furniture/art store on the east side of Cleveland. I’ve not seen anything close to it since. This is a piece of furniture worth having!006

Inside my sanctuary:

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Looking for some cool jewelry? Try www.afroessence.com

Happy Friday!

ShilaIris aka OSiRis RiSinG…

Modeling for Blow Magazine

 

Winter Solstice

Learn more about this day:

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From the book Introduction to African Civilizations by John G. Jackson. 1970

Check it out!

shila_iris ♡

She’s so beautiful… and she reads

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Today, accessorize with a good book! 10 REASONS WOMEN SHOULD READ…

REASON #1 Reading helps us to process our thoughts better. Women who read tend not to assume things. They simply know.

REASON #2 Reading helps us to evolve in a positive direction. It can teach you how to embrace and uplift yourself.

REASON #3 The experiences of others, written about in good books, can be very powerful life lessons that may help you to avoid a lot of pain.

REASON #4 Reading the right things can help you to gain the necessary confidence you need to eliminate bad habits like: neglecting your own feelings to cater to those of another, passive aggressive behavior, and depression. Move forward in a good book!

REASON #5 Readers have more intriguing conversations.

REASON #6 Reading can help you to identify and recognize game when you hear it! Women who read tend to be less naive.

REASON #7 Reading is a great way to relieve stress. It brings a certain level of tranquility into your day. You can travel to a different world, or learn more about the one that you are in. It is stimulating.

REASON #8 When you read, your vocabulary will grow. The way you communicate will be more powerful.

REASON #9 Reading helps you to focus better. It can also strengthen your memory. No more selectiveness!

REASON #10 Reading is empowering.

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… be sure to read my article on shila iris: BOOK BOYFRIENDS

Check me out on Goodreads:

Thank you for stopping by!

-Shila Iris

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I am your Soul Sista…

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Sometimes in life, we cannot offer people a commitment, but we can offer them one hell of an experience! All experiences are relevant. We need them to balance us out for what is to come. So don’t be afraid to love. Love right. Not at the risk of hurting someone, but purely, and bravely. I am your soul sista. Let’s have a good time.

I love Bilal in this. The way he touches her at @0:35 & @2:07 is incredible. The movement throughout is lovely especially @3:25. Brings back memories, Bilal! I see you QuestLove!

On an ARTISTIC level this song hit so many hi-hats in my spirit. It’s very poetic.

and 5 more for the road…

EXPERIENCE 1: I just got out of a situation, and I’m not trying to get into anything serious, but we can chill. Know what I mean? 

EXPERIENCE 2: There ain’t no denying the strength of this attraction. 

EXPERIENCE 3: It feels so right, it can’t be wrong.

EXPERIENCE 4: How can I want you for myself, when I’m already someone’s girl? 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_ZhycNmlAo

EXPERIENCE 5: Money flying everywhere! Every person deserves an experience where there is no penny-pinching. “Spend my money, baby!” Have fun! 

Be accountable for all your experiences. Pass no judgement because we all enjoy the excitement of being with someone who understands our needs. Like instruments, sometimes we get out of tune, and we have to find the right tuner. Even if it’s for the moment, we have to be open to the sound of the person whom the Universe sends to show us our reflection. When you look into that person’s eyes, that mirror, you better be ready to face reality because you will see the good, but you most definitely see the bad. All of what you see in that person, is you. We are human beings, we are soundboards for one another. We attract people who are weak like us and strong like us. Find the next person that will tune you. Get your sound right and come back around.

I’m not endorsing this behavior, but it is kind of sexy, right? -John Legend

P.S. Remember to tell the truth about your choices. Don’t cover up a good experience with lies because you are embarrassed or afraid of what people might think. You have to know that we reap what we sow. Karma is that balance we need to wake up. Be private and use discretion, and most importantly be honest with the person with whom you are having the experience with. There is no need to fake or rush anything. Rushed behavior only leads to more hurt and confusion. Take your time and allow things to blossom or allow yourself to live in the moment because time doesn’t wait for any of us. Live the life you desire. Kiss a girl who makes your blood boil. Kiss a man who makes you scream.

From my heart to yours, the lessons I’ve learned. Peace & love.

-Shila Iris

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Outfit of the Day…

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This is such a beautiful outfit, befitting of a Queen. I can definitely see myself in it.

The pose to the right is just so, … what can I say other than, yes! It reminds me so much of my journey, searching for balance, inside of me. Ma’at.

Peace and love. – Shila Iris

Book of the Day…

EBOD

Having Fun This Weekend

I’m not sure about a costume, but I take all opportunities to rock my fro! Have a fun weekend! My black dress was a gift. It’s velvet and it looks vampire-ish.

Goodnight!

by Shila Iris aka Kush

I Love You Too Daddy

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“When you become a parent, your needs no longer are the priority.”

My father looked into my 30 year old eyes. He knew that I had been going through some things. He stared. He couldn’t look away. I could tell that he wanted to save me. I didn’t have to tell him the details because he already knew. He could feel my pain. He hugged me and told his favorite story of me from my childhood. He said, “you don’t know how much I love you. My baby girl! I can’t believe that you are a grown woman.” I gave him a soft smile, in hopes of disguising my pain. I said nothing. My intent was to forgive. I love you too daddy.

This post is to commend the fathers who make their children the #1 priority in their lives.

Up until the age of 8, I saw my father mostly everyday. Then I lost him to the world. He abused drugs, he abused women, and he abused himself. I became afraid of him. He chose these things over me. He chose women over me. He chose the streets over me. He did this for years and no one talked about it. The anger festered. By the age of 15, I was completely and utterly disgusted by him. He was no longer mine. I had to become a woman without him. I no longer wanted him around. The rotten life he’d chosen stunk. I could smell him coming miles away. I ran from him. I couldn’t stand his presence.  It wasn’t so much that I blamed him for anything, it was just, I’d seen him using drugs and it destroyed my image of him. I didn’t know what to say.

I moved away with no send off from my father. I discovered other men. I indulged. I then began to miss him, but I ignored him. He’s always been a loving man. Even through his chaos, he tried to be a part of my life. My heart was ice cold. I could feel him pulling on the strings of my heart. He felt heavy. It took years, but I finally let go of the anger! It wasn’t him that was heavy, he was only a man. Men aren’t perfect. It was me. It was the anger that I was holding onto that was heavy. I had to learn how to shed the burden of judgment. I had to accept his struggle. I have.

Life feels so much better this way. It hasn’t been easy letting go of the anger, but I have and my father has become my friend. He is my protection. He decided that he wanted to be there for me, to stand up for me and he has. The past seems so far away. Thank you daddy for holding my hand.

This post is to commend the fathers who make their children the #1 priority in their lives. In finding my true self, I discovered that the time in which my father was absent most certainly affected my life. It made me weaker in areas where I should have been strong. It made me susceptible to bullshit. It made me think that it was OK to be a rebound. I wanted that male presence. So I compromised. I allowed myself to be treated like a bad habit. I wasn’t the woman that I needed to be. Now, I get to be that. I get to be stronger. I get to blossom into my Queendom. I have forgiven my father, but most importantly, I have forgiven myself. I can finally move forward with LOVE.

I know that it certainly isn’t easy having children. It takes time, commitment, and patience. No child asks to be born. When you become a parent, your needs no longer are the priority. The needs of the child are most important. In the current state of our society, relationships end and children sway in the wind like leaves. Parents pay their child support and see their children sparingly. Don’t let that be your reality. Give your attention and time to your children. Treat them like fixtures in your life. Set your own emotions aside and spend time daily with them. It will pay off. Peace and love to you daddy.

You are my King.

Shila Iris for AfriKan Essence, Thursday, October 16, 2014, 8:56 a.m.

“Affirmation: Today, I will not dwell on the past or the future. I have no need for either, when I step fully into the present. I will no longer hold onto pain until it becomes anger. I will no longer hold onto to pleasure before it becomes an addiction. I will not anticipate pain or pleasure in the future to relieve anxiety. The present is the home of my being. Past and future are only the dreams of whom I was or what I might become. Today, I will release the past and its burden of wounded dreams.  

Pulling From the Universe Inside of ME – Nurturing My Cipher

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I was trying to go it alone, but he said, “I want to assist you through this process.” Before I knew it, I was crying. That is the impact a true friend has. It’s not just rhetoric, it’s responsibility. He wanted to hold my hand. He was pure.

***** The seasons will forever change. We all know it. The leaves have fallen off my trees. The ground beneath my feet is hard and cold. My flowers are hiding until the spring, but I can still feel the green, the roots. My foundation is being set. I’ve never felt this powerful in my life! It feels good. My season has changed and I’ve had to spend a lot of time alone. Spending time with myself, with my own thoughts, not being dependent on another has been empowering! Not jumping from affair to affair has been elevating. Having friends and family around who see the greatness in me, has been nourishing. I am not afraid to be alone anymore or to commit to myself anymore. I’m thinking, if you can’t be alone with you, why would other people want to? I don’t want to attract the same type of energy again and again, so I guess it is time to cleanse!

I record my experiences using poetry. When I talk to people about how great it feels to go through things, no matter how painful, when I tell people my story, they are interested! I’ve been encouraged to always be a griot, a storyteller, and to use the magic of my words to nurse my strength. When I write, I can feel the magic. It’s healing. I am a writer who’s finds the most comfort in telling my own story. My journey through the seasons has been tumultuous. I had been holding on to things that were damaging me. I had read many self-help books that I thought would assist in my healing, only to realize that the healing didn’t start until I let go of the thing that was hurting me most. I had to take time out to learn myself and although I have been alone, many people have come to me, and given me hugs, smiles, kisses, and so much love.

This is my thank you LETTER to the wonderful people in my CIPHER. Some of you are miles away, but when I needed you, somehow you sensed it, and you were right here with me. I am forever grateful. May we journey onward through the seasons. Everything is good until it is not! It’s been a long time coming… read (click on the image below to enlarge)

“his excitement in hearing my voice was attractive. it always had been. it felt real. not rehearsed. it felt right.”

the THANK YOU LETTER… you have to adjust your screens to read.All I See is You_October 2014 copy

and although, i don’t need to run to people to save me, i’ve realized that there are people who genuinely want to help. No matter how much I refuse, they feel like they have to. It’s quite amazing. I am grateful. this poem was originally published here, on January 29, with other things in mind. It is still relevant in my journey. it is not a love poem. it is a poem to show my regards for those who really CARE about me. and they have proven this time and time again. i can’t believe how wonderful you are. i deserve u. i miss u. People Around Us Poem copy

THANK YOU SO MUCH! Thank you friends, lovers, family, companions, artists- everyone who has experienced me! Everyone who rose to my occasion, everyone who was interested in the truth.

You are so true.
i can see the sun shining on me, through you.
i can see it in the words that you write.
the pictures that you take.
the stories that you create.
your style,
your flow.
i needed honesty.
i needed someone to remind me.
and you were that person.
i want to be like you!
Osiris, I am you.
Horus, I am you.
Isis, I am you.
Maat, I am you.
Zarina Asha, I am you.
Imhotep Famj, I am you.
SunRe, I am you.
Kitara, i am you.
Ike Ejiogu, I am you.
You all are the Papyrus of Ani,
and i am reading you thoroughly.
 All I See is You_October 2014_ 2 copy

thank you for the warm kisses.

thank you for SHOWING up.
thank you for not giving up on ME,
and not allowing me to give up on myself.
thank you for not humiliating me or lying.
Feet
I thank you for never running away,
and for respecting me enough to let me live through the consequences of my bad decisions. i kept a strong face, but I was crying inside. you all never passed judgment… i am running towards you at a fast pace, I need you most.
My opposing viewpoints earned me lifetime lovers. thank you for taking my heart carefully in your hands and stroking it.
through my experiences, I am wiser.
My feet are touching solid ground because of you.
I am most grateful for those who did not wait for the smoke to clear.
they helped me get to safety.
they gave me the tools, the support I needed to save myself.
No looking back. The new is on the horizon.
i am filling myself up again with REAL things!
thank you so much!
to those who did not compare my journey to their own or anyone’s.
they did not look for opportunities to vent,
they listened.
they allowed me to exist in exclusivity.
they allowed me to be in the lime light.
those who just accepted me for who i am.
those who did not share my pain with the world.
or talk about me in circles as if they had any idea what life has been like for me. 
you don’t know me at all. 

Thank you to all who allow me to tell my own stories.

thank you to those who did not stump on me.
their insecurities did not force me into a corner.
their insecurities did not force me to lie.
their confidence encouraged me to be free,
to be happy, to be merry, 
and not to live my life trying to please people who really don’t love me.
they helped me to see that I cannot be controlled.
i am in control of me. 
they helped me to not seek revenge,
but to release the things that bound me.
Friend:  “Let it go baby!
LET IT GO BABY!”
i was so blind, but now i see.
you listened to my story. you listened to the truth.
asante sana. nakupenda. lala salama.
I am Shila Iris also known as YoU.

Gotta give up it up to the cReAtor, allAh, JEHovah, mAAt, Jah, RastaFARI…

a song for you.

ERYKAH BADU:  THE Healer

Shila_Bobby Williams photo

Monday, October 13, 2014, 2:34 p.m.

I see God in you, Queen

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You were made in the image of me, so I see God in you, Queen. You are beautiful, and I’m stuck like a deer in headlights. What does your soul taste like?

Treat yourself as the person you want to be, and you will become that. I want to be free. Pictures courtesy of Bella Kinks.

Music and a book.

SZA!

Dear God make me a bird, so I can fly far, far far away

Call your phone on a late night
I recall your soul and it taste like
Gardens, flowers, Warm Winds
Quit clipping on your feet
Quit clipping on your wings
Sometimes we hate to leave somebody
Whats happening to we?
Warm winds on a space ride
Sometimes, I call your name out loud
Just to make sure it’s you
Sometimes, I crack my veins so bad
Just to see if it’s blue
You clean me up

Sometimes I bite my lips and close my eyes                                                                     Just to pretend it’s you

Long live, lonely thoughts on Thursday nights

That’s when I think of you

We were all thirteen once
Long live tramp stamps and Pepper Ann
You will never judge me for that
You will always love me for that
Posing Beauty: African American Images from the 1890s to the Present

Thank you for being here with me. Chase your soul through the gardens, flowers, and warm winds. “Sometimes I bite my lips and close my eyes, thinking of you.”  Remember good things. Let’s not hide from the truth. Say what you want. Do what you please. And when it is necessary, leave. It’s all good. -Shila Iris