Comments from Readers Were Blocked

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I just want to make an announcement about people who have visited and commented on my blog. I really thank you all for visiting my “art space” and making suggestions and just showing so much love. Many of you have sent positive vibrations my way on a regular, but much to my amazement, I wasn’t getting the comment notifications!

Why I am posting this? I hadn’t realized it, but it turns out that wordpress has blocked over 700 comments from users and readers of African Essence. These comments date back to 2012 and they were sent to a folder marked “SPAM” for various reasons. I am saddened that I missed out on so much positive feedback! There are too many comments to weed through, but I did check the most recent one’s from July. I have responded to those comments on various articles which can be found in my archives.

If you ever posted a comment and I did not respond, I apologize. I take this blog very seriously and I hope you come back soon. I have corrected the problem with the SPAM so PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CONTINUE TO COMMENT AND SEND SUGGESTIONS.

Peace, love, life, & wisdom.

-Queen

It's always love and art.

It’s always love and art.

On the Cover: Ya’ll Know I Love Janelle Monae!

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So I was out and I picked up the new Black Hair Fashion Beauty Style August/September 2013 Magazine because Janelle Monae is on the cover. Of course she is sitting lovely in her black and white. I really like her.

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I can’t believe she has a new video out and I didn’t know! I always love the creativity, the flare and the boldness of Janelle. I also dig that she has really attractive female energy in her videos and she isn’t afraid to dance crazy. Furthermore, my favorite video from her remains to be Many Moons. I also adore Tightrope and Q.U.E.E.N. Go Janelle!

Dance Apocalyptic by Janelle Monae

Gotta include my Many Moons!

Review of the Black Hair Magazine:

I really think that the editor is cool and I am glad Black Hair got someone that we could relate to! Her name is Keysha Davis. This issue of Black Hair features fearless women who wouldn’t even give a second thought to other peoples’ opinions of them, Keysha quotes. She says that Monae is one of the most brave, creative, and free-spirited artists of her generation. I really dug the interview! It was cool to know that Janelle wrote and produced Erykah Badu’s part in her song Q.U.E.E.N. I like that she was open and honest. I did not know she was only 24, though. I thought she was in her later 20s.

Words that I took away from the interview:

QUESTION: What do you do when you’re not Janelle Monae the artist, and the persona we know you for?

JANELLE’S ANSWER: I love laughing, I love art, I love discussion and stimulating conversation where I’m learning things. I like hanging with people who speak different languages. I am just a sponge for knowledge. I swim in my tuxedo, I walk with monkeys, I kiss tigers, I do lots of different things. I have tea with bumblebees. … sounds like something I would say!

I also like her dedication to expressing herself and her femininity in a respectful manner as opposed to the get naked get rich fast model. She is all about respecting her Queendom and redefining what it means to be a woman. She say’s that she wants young girls with natural hair to know that they can be Cover Girl’s too. What a lady! That is what it’s about- being comfortable with what God gave you! She is super cool. She ended the interview by saying she uses as many natural products as possible like raw Shea butter from Ghana. That’s what we do, right? Gotta love Janelle Monae!

As to the rest of the Aug/Sept issue of Black Hair… it was cool. Black Hair is a nice magazine because it is modern with great photography and many style variations. The images normally look really nice and the women and men are not air brushed to plastic! Definitely realistic photos which oddly is not common in mags today.

They have lots of info on weaves and honestly, it is always hard for me to embrace features focusing on weave because I see women hiding behind false hair and using it as definition rather than adornment. Weave can be beneficial in transitioning processes and to use as decoration from time to time. It should not be our everyday mask. We have to learn to let our own hair down! However, this issue had the TOP AFRO TRENDS. There were only a few in the article, but the pages from the issue that I really liked are: Black Hair.

I am posting these pages just to let you all get an idea of what Black Hair looks like inside. Not too many people know about it, but if I had to choose a “black hair” mag, this is definitely the best. I am hoping that the posting of these pages do not constitute any form of infringement. I do not stand to make a profit and this is in promotion of Black Hair! I want people to try it! (page 44 was my fav!)

Love, life, & wisdom

Queen Duafe for African Essence

P.S. This is a another interview of

Funny

Being Free

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Walk like a queen, think like a goddess…

I really like Natalie Stewarts’ poetry. I prefer this type of deliverance more than others such as slam or spoken word. This is slow and sensual, allowing us to think and grasp the words. I dig.

Being Free – It’s Poetry

The reality is that sometimes I am open

I am open to the world around me

The people I see inspire me to be the best that I can be

I am open to the man or the woman that is aware of my love vibrations

Understanding that I am not moved by lust or lack of trust

I am moved by the soul acceptance and the humility that oozes out of your heart

Judged mistakes make it seem like you think that you are better than me
It’s a sad reality that you choose to be bothered by my freedom
Your troubled glances, take me out of my natural high trances and you leave me wanting to abandon your community

I want to be so far away from your ego and your drunken stupors that I  am willing to leave it all behind
Just so that I can breath

Mother nature is calling me and urging me to spread my wings

But I am here, trying to fight and win back the time when I was your native queen

My heart is not under lock and key

My mind is not hard to decipher for the person that is meant for me

I respect myself, I respect my growth, I respect the yellow brick road that goddess has paved for me. My journey is golden no matter how low I am or how high

It’s all a part of the beautiful image of me that sits on your mantelpiece

If I never told you this, let me be clear what I am and what I am not

I am water

I am constantly flowing creating a vortex around the minds of people who choose to receive me

I am not too proud yet I do not possess low esteem

I am well versed on where I come from and I intend to share that world with anyone who crosses my path

I am uncompromising when it comes to my values and I will not be told that I am anything less than great

I am the spitting image of what it means to be human

I am good I am bad I am love I am hate

I use the scales to weigh the situations that bind my mind

I get confused when you decide to use me and walk all over my ability to remove myself from harm and chaos
I am not a cheerleader, I am more like a friend who is not afraid to tell you that you are wrong and dead wrong and you need to go home, maybe be alone

to reflect on what it is you really want

I don’t want to drag my feet across filthy floors and be defined by my ability to please you, and inability to see you through a storm that might last forever

I don’t want to scream and shout about love, there should be no doubt

I don’t want to paint beautiful pictures of people who cannot see me, will not see, and refuse to stop killing me over and over and over, it’s not softly
It hurts to be stabbed and jabbed with words that are meant to pierce my soul and destroy my freedom

I do not comprehend waiting, when momentum is now
I am not interested in missing any chances I have to eat, pray, and love

If I am not eating with you and if I am praying with you than love is cancelled out and it’s time to move on

I am not easy in any manner and I am not unreasonable banter

I am just a woman who is interested in the real thing

by Shila Iris

July 4

Queen Duafe for African Essence

Love These Outfits!

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I would love to see men walking around wearing this everyday!

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… and women wearing this!

Beautiful Dresses

Queen Duafe for African Essence

P.S. Looking forward to reading this book:

How to Start a Creative Business: The Jargon-Free Guide for Creative Entrepreneurs

How to Start a Creative Business: The Jargon-Free Guide for Creative Entrepreneurs

I Am Not Afraid to Turn 30

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I am happy to be coming close to 30!

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Probably won’t be taking anymore of these shots!

I am going to be 30 pretty soon and at least 20 people have asked me about having children. Whenever my age comes up, this is the first thing that people inquire about! Everyone wants to know about my marital status and my desires to start a family. Very rarely do people ask if I am happy with the work that I do or if I have good health. The only thing people seem to care about with this 29 year old girl is rather I am going to start having babies! Well I am not!

I am finding it hard to endure this sense of urgency and pressure that people are putting on me to have children right now! Honestly, I do not desire to have a child at the current moment and I am not the type of person who has dreamed of being married with children since I was a little girl. I have dreams more like Martin Luther King, Jr. I am sure the experience of having a child is wonderful, but I am in a different place. I do not need a child to define what I am as a woman. What I really need in my life is peace. Without it, I cannot imagine ever having a child.

Finding peace is my number one goal in life. I need to be able to live with who I am and get the best out of all of my experiences. I want to do other things so that if I ever have a child, I would be able to share my wonderful life with them via travel, education, and spirituality. My journey has only begun. If I do not have a child, then I will continue to share these things with my nieces and nephews. So to everyone that cannot help but to worry about what is going to happen to 30 year old Shila, you can just stop it! What I want is to stand on solid ground. Everything else will come naturally.

I cannot live up to anyone’s expectations, not even my own sometimes. So I would love it if everyone could just chill. It almost seems like people pity me for being childless. It’s like they ridicule my freedom. Not to say that children take away all freedom, but this is the tone in which people speak to me.

However, life is a beautiful thing and I appreciate everything that happens to me. I can appreciate the “warnings” but I do not feel threatened by age. I feel enlightened and mature!  I am not afraid of 30. When I was 25, two different doctors advised that I start having children then. They made it sound like if I didn’t start soon, my chances of miscarriage would be high. This may be true, but WHAT IF I am just a healthy person? Let’s focus on that! I always wondered why they had to make my life sound like a ticking time bomb.

I feel like turning 30 will be the beginning of another beautiful phase in my life and I am ready to learn and just have fun with it. I have noticed changes in my metabolism and I have gained a little weight- I am the heaviest that I have ever been in my life. I noticed that any extra pounds I pick up are gathering in my midsection and thighs. All I can do is work harder at eating right and exercising (so, no I am not pregnant to the people who asked!).

Frankly, I am so excited to be getting away from the turbulent twenties. I feel like moving on. I am ready to accept everything that comes with age rather it be weight or peace. I was speaking with someone about looks and she spoke to me as if my body changes had to be a negative thing. Why would I expect to have the same body as I did when I was younger? I am not interested in looking like a plastic magazine cover either. I want to be naturally me. Furthermore, I am fond of moderation so I will not watch myself become too much of anything if I can help it. Turning 30 does not mean that I can start overeating and destroying my body. I want to stay healthy. I know plenty of sistahs who are in their 40s, 50s, and 60s who look amazing.

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My girl Rashimba Bloom is looking good in her late 30s!

I do not fear looking older. I just do not see myself letting go and becoming desperate for a relationship or for a man. I am not interested in the older man who chases after younger women purposefully as if older women have nothing he desires. I figure, let the younger women have him, because I don’t want an immature man like that. My mind operates a little differently. I am prone to move towards a person out of love and not lust.

Also, I have noticed that I feel differently about many things; but I can control my anxiety and levels of stress better than I ever have. My hair is different, my mind is different, and my spirit is ever evolving! That is what I care about. Not the simple age of 30. The “BIG 3-0″ they say! NO PRESSURE. I am ready to embrace it all! Furthermore, if I get to be 40, and my partner and I decide to have a baby, all we can do is try. There will be no regrets. I am living in this moment right now… and I love it!

Thelathini, karibu! (30, welcome!)

Peace and love,

Queen Duafe for African Essence

Queen

My niece and I

P.S. I am looking forward to reading this book:

Sophia: Goddess of Wisdom, Bride of God

Sophia: Goddess of Wisdom, Bride of God

Need a good book to read? I found this one to be OK. It was helpful in many ways.

HBR’s 10 Must-Reads on Managing Yourself

Book

Also, if you have not ever visited this blog, be sure to check out the About Page or Details Tab above.

I Love the Sun! Thrifted Ensemble…

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Wondering how to wear your NON-FANCY thrift store finds? Check it out. … and if you haven’t ever visited this blog, be sure to check out the ABOUT page aka Details tab at the top.

I love when the sun is out! I live in Midwestern United States where it is cold at least 9 months out of the year. So, when the sun decides to show its face, I am like, here I am, shine down on me! I have to be careful because last year I got my very first sun burn and it wasn’t fun at all! So remember everyone if you are going to be in the sun, for even just a few minutes, rub shea butter on your skin because it is a sun block. You may even want to use something else along with the shea.

My first day in the sun… I bought this outfit from second hand stores.

Let me say, I just cut my hair, yet again! I love short hair. It is auburn-colored. I am going to stop using chemical dyes soon and switch to henna dye which is now sold at Whole Foods. I got a cheap $4 dye from Sally’s Beauty (who is Sally?, lol).

SHIRT by American Eagle Outfitters via Plato’s Closet. It is blue and a light-weight sweater material – $4

SKIRT by Mossimo which is a brand only sold at Target via Thrift Store – denim with pockets $3

SANDALS by Kohls – $10

FEATHER EARRINGS from Icing by Claire’s – $1.99

BONE BRACELETS- African street festival – $25

BONE RING- City Buddha in Cleveland Heights, Ohio – $3.95

ANKH RING- Claire’s (in the mall) – $3.75

FINGER NAIL POLISH- Revlon Knockout Color 731 from Walgreen’s – $4; top coat is Matte Magic by China Glaze from Sally’s Beauty Supply – $2.50 on clearance

… these little details won’t matter to the men, but women ask, so there it is!

Peace and Love,

Queen Duafe for African Essence

P.S. Need a good book to read? Check it out…The Seat of the Soul

The crazy cats around me love the sun too!

Having a Good Day the Tantric Way – Who is YahZarah?

If you haven’t ever visited this blog, be sure to check out the DETAILS page.

Jambo! I hope you are feeling good today. If you are not, there is still a chance to turn your day around. It starts with you. I suggest using sounds and smells to heighten your senses and lift the vibrations around you. The vibrations around you are the levels of good or bad energy. The higher the vibration, the better off you are. What DO I DO to turn my day around and lift my vibrations? I am glad you asked! My checklist goes like this:

  1. Light some incense- even my friends with asthma use incense. If you are able to find a good brand such as Wild Berry, HEM, or Tulasi- you are in luck. These brands release the longest lasting smells that can linger for hours.
  2. Try having a positive conversation with someone- only talk about the good things that are going on in your life. Try NOT to talk about anything negative and offer no complaints. I love calling my friends that live in other cities. I can have a fresh experience talking to them without having to tell them about anything bad.
  3. Eat a well-balanced meal. I find that eating good food really lifts my spirit. I like spicy fish and veggies, Indian and African dishes, smoothies, coconut ice cream from Trader Joe’s, some meats (not fried). I LOVE GOOD FOOD! Steamed broccoli with garlic and lemon really gives me energy as well as brussel sprouts and kale sauteed in olive oil with garlic and capers. Go green if you are really feeling down.
  4. Get some plants. I find that looking at them lifts my mood. I got some beautiful plants from a garden center. It’s best to go to a real garden center if you are looking for a mature plant (not Wal-Mart or Home Depot). These are my plants:
  5. GOOD MUSIC- if you can find an old album that you really like, listen away! If you want to try something new. Go to YouTube and type in the names of your favorite artists. On the right hand side of the screen, YouTube lists recommendations. A lot of times these recommendations are great! YouTube tries to find other artists that are similar to the one you typed in. I type Sade or Nneka and I get great results. I love 90s music so I type 702 or TLC, and get great results too.

And this brings me to YahZarah! I am so excited to share the music of this wonderful lady. She made her mark performing as a background singer for Erykah Badu (I just learned this). She also sang with a music group called the Foreign Exchange (I remember this). I heard her album The Ballad of Purple St. James and I loved it! The first song is the most inviting. You can use it for various occasions to get a party started! It just makes you want to get up and dance. This is YahZarah:

Yahzarah 1 Yahzarah

HAVING A GOOD DAY THE TANTRIC WAY? Check out this video. Pay attention to her altar. Change your day by listening to vibes like this! This made me feel good at a time when I was experiencing a lot of fatigue. I ended up finding it on YouTube by mistake. I watched it 10 times! I was so high. I love it! Furthermore, I am doing research on the Goddess Kali and in this video YahZarah has an image of the Goddess over her altar. Awesome! I admire her movement and confidence. I do not consider her energy strictly sexual. It can be a whole lot of things.

Peace and love,

Queen Duafe for African Essence

P.S. Looking for more information on Tantricism? I found this book to be useful.

The Tantric Way by Ajit Mookerjee and Madhu Khanna

The Tantric Way

How I Wear My Skinny Jeans

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Welcome to African Essence. If you haven’t ever visited this blog be sure to check out the Details page.

Today’s style idea is: HOW TO WEAR SKINNY JEANS! I have trouble with this type of jean simply because I prefer a certain cut: straight leg and my favorite is bootcut. However, I bought a few pairs of skinny’s to test out the look and let me tell you, I struggled! I’ve had them for about a year and I just could not get with the look. I thought they made my feet look like boats! I also do not like the way they feel on my skin. I tend to like clothes that I can move around in more. So this is how they looked on me…

So I tried. All in all, I think that they are ok, but I definitely have to be in a playful mood to wear skinny jeans! I have found that wearing them with tunics or longer sweaters is a MUST for me! Any other way, I cannot tolerate them. Here are some other cuts of jeans.

Jeans

Peace and love,

Queen Duafe for African Essence

Head Wrapping

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Head wrapping is becoming increasingly popular. I say go for it! I love to wrap my hair and no, it has nothing to do with a bad hair day! Depending upon what city you are in, people may look at you weird, but who cares! Wear that wrap! I wear them to work and for play. I can make them look classy or fun! If you are out and you see a cool fabric on sale, buy it! Your wrap does not have to necessarily match what you have on. I like to tastefully mix patterns. It adds life to any outfit. Keep in mind, I have shorter hair, so NO, you do not have to have long hair in order to wear a wrap.

Peace and love,

Queen Duafe for African Essence

Thrift Store Shopping

I think my thrift store outfit turned out pretty good! It was priced at $8.00 but I had a 50% off coupon, so for $4, I got this beautiful suit. The skirt is connected to the shirt. The zipper runs up the back and the skirt has a slit which is also in the back. The suit is a vintage item. The label says K.C. Spencer by Chelsea Rousso who was a pretty popular designer in the 90s. Her designs seemed to be more commercial than boutique exclusive. The label says dry clean only, but I actually hand-washed and ironed it myself. I think it held up pretty well. However, I noticed that a lot of black and red dye came out when I washed it. This did not damage the suit. I assume that it had not been washed in water before. Well, I think it looks nice… although next time, I won’t wear that bracelet. The earrings are actually pretty cool (from Icing by Claire’s). I’ve had those shoes for a while but I’m thinking, I probably got them from Marshall’s. Next time, I would wear a solid black sandal.

Peace and love,

Queen Duafe for African Essence

I Am Not My Hair

India.Arie delivered this message to the world back in 2002 and the message still resonates in my heart. This was so real. While at work yesterday, a friend of mine was called “nappy-headed” by a woman who was trying to insult her. Sadly, the woman was of the same ethnicity as my friend. This goes to show how much people hate themselves. She was hating on my friends hair when she has the same type of hair! … or something close. Listen to the lyrics from both Akon and India Arie in the video below. They are wonderful… read on…

My friend wears a crown of beautiful kinky tresses. I wish I had her hair! Every time I see her, I always stop in awe. She does really great styles with braids, twists, Afros, and sometimes, she just lets it go. The woman was attempting to insult my friend out of hate for her OWN SELF. That woman should love her kinky hair! Ladies, we have got to do better! We hate on one another so much! We are slaves to a FALSE representation of “beauty.” It amazes me when a woman of African descent uses the word “nappy” in a derogatory manner.

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Love my hair, no matter what the length. I especially love my texture.

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Love my kinky hair

Then, earlier this week at work, I was speaking with an older lady who is also of African descent. She says to me that God really did us wrong by giving us the type of hair we have. “Us” means African Americans. I was confused because I wear my hair natural and have been for most my life. That day, I had on a headwrap. She knows that I love naturally-textured hair and she said this. I had to remove myself from the conversation. However, I did say to her that I absolutely LOVE my hair and I thank my God for making me exactly what I am. God didn’t make any mistakes on me!

I loVe LoVe my hair, my skin, my lips, my hips, and I like me just the way I am- NOT TRYING TO CHANGE MY APPEARANCE FOR NO MAN or WOMAN. I refuse to hide behind wigs and tracks and relaxers and any of that. It’s all used for decoration, but it doesn’t define me. It does not mean that I am afraid to wear my own. I felt sorry for this woman who always covers her hair. I have never seen her real hair! Hopefully one day, she will wake up.

So thank you, India, for giving your perspective on hair. I am not my hair. I am not my skin, or any of your expectations! I am Queen, beholder of High Esteem! I am the Fifth Element, like quicksilver, so smooth, I slip through. I AM WHAT I AM.

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Love My Hair… I’ve had many styles and I loved them all

Queen Duafe for African Essence

P.S. Need books to read? Been flipping through these books. Check them out.

Going Natural: How to Fall in Love With Nappy Hair

Going Natural: How to Fall in Love With Nappy Hair by Mireille Liong-A-Kong

www.going-natural.com

Better Than Good Hair: The Curly Girl Guide to Healthy, Gorgeous Natural Hair!

Better Than Good Hair by Nikki Walton

www.curlynikki.com

Tired of Victim Mentalities: Learning to Escape From Drama Queens aka “Bad Bitches”

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Click to read my article.

Spring Things for Queens: Fringe

Although I am dying on the allergy side, I still love Spring! I can barely go outside without breaking out in hives! I need an herbal remedy ya’ll! … any who…

This is my STYLE idea for the day. I love FRINGE! In fashion, fringe is defined as : An ornamental border of threads left loose or formed into tassels or twists, used to edge clothing or material. Like this…

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or this…

I wear fringe a lot! It’s reminiscent of the 70s, but has been used for centuries in clothing, mostly in pre-American tribes especially those traveling from the motherlands.

CLICK ON THE PICTURES TO ENLARGE

THE STYLE: I got my red fringe boots online from UrbanOg. They are no longer offered. If you Google red fringe boots, you will be able to find them. They are not Minnetonka boots. I prefer to pay less. The quality is descent enough. The shirt is from Dillard’s. It was only $10 on sale by a brand named Angie. The skirt was maybe $8 at Forever21.

Peace and love,

Queen Duafe for African Essence

Looking for some conscious music? Do you like Bob Marley? I am not referring to the “Bob Marley bandwagon hoppers that wear t-shirts and ACT all down-to-earth!”  I mean do you really like Bob Marley’s music? It’s full of conscious messages about mankind. The song of the day: Who the Cap Fit… This music inspired the mood that I am in today. Let me know your thoughts.

Smile.

Within Walking Distance: The Three Women Behind the Closed Door

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The Three Women Behind the Closed Door in Cleveland, Ohio 

“I live within walking distance, 4 minutes to be exact. How do you think that makes me feel?”

I am sure that you have all heard about the 3 women that were found in Cleveland after missing for a decade or more. Michelle Knight had gone missing on August 22, 2002. Amanda Berry was missing since April 21, 2003. Georgina DeJesus had been last seen on April 2, 2004. There was also a six year old girl found that is Berry’s child. As I navigate internet articles and videos about the groundbreaking news, I can’t help but to cry for them.

Naturally, I put myself in the shoes of the girls who unwillingly went into the house perhaps young and innocent and came out forlorn women.  I cry because it is hard to imagine the physical condition in which they lived for the past 11 years- in a basement, like slaves. This is not the first time that I have had to cry for a missing girl in Cleveland and it probably won’t be the last. They were being held captive in a house less than a mile from my own residence. I could get there in four minutes! Even more petrifying, I had shaken the hand of the guy who owned the house where they were found.  Ariel Castro was a bass player and I heard him play at a celebration. 

The proximity of this man to me is enough to remind me that we never know who walks amongst us. I walk around my neighborhood and I feel safe. However, I remember my grandfather, who is now deceased, reprimanding me for always walking and going places by myself. I am the person who will take a midnight walk and consider it a challenge as opposed to a threat. My grandpa knew how I was, and he never stopped trying to get me to be more cautious. These types of stories make me yield to the idea of security. Although, I don’t want to be in a box, I will think again about my midnight adventures and consider my well-being first.

Yesterday, communities could only speculate on what happened in Castro’s basement. Were the girls being held as sex slaves? Were they cooking and cleaning? Did they know him previous to the kidnapping? Had they ever tried to escape? Were they beaten? What did they eat? How was the baby conceived? Did one of them give birth in the basement? Today, we have some of the answers.

A few years back, there was a girl locked in basement in a neighborhood where I did community work. It was the same neighborhood where the serial killer, Anthony Sowell trapped and murdered his victims. This girl was naïve and actually willing to meet older men, but she was not willing to be kidnapped. I remember hearing her story. It was not publicized. I wrote a poem about it and performed that poem at the Soul of Buckeye Art Park a block from where she was held.

It seems that women are susceptible to abduction. Most of us can’t fight off a bigger man who is aggressively handling us. We are women! We are not supposed to be big and bad. What I can do and what perhaps you can do to help yourself be prepared for life’s physical challenges is exercise and build up our physical strength so that we can at least fight back. I do not want to jump the gun and say every woman can be taken, but this story just reminds me of what is out there.

I am a fan of the TV show Dexter which is about a serial killer that goes undetected for most his life. As I watched Dexter for the past few years, I never thought that the things he did were bogus. Although it is just elaborate storytelling, I always thought that it could happen. It is happening.

There is a woman named Mandy Matula in Minnesota that just went missing. People are being taken every day in America and all over the world. We have to watch over each other and know our neighbors. I am not saying be nosy because we all have the right to our privacy, but can we stand to be more friendly?

There are three men being held in the custody of the police for the kidnapping of these three women. The attorney that will represent them in trial will definitely have some spiritual warfare. We all want to cry for them because we know that our mothers, daughters, sisters, cousins, and friends are all susceptible to these types of situations. Let’s protect each other. Let’s love instead of hate. We have to be concerned for the well-being of each other.

It will take years of therapy for these women to be able to walk again. I believe in them and I know that they can do it. My heart goes out to the families, friends, and the community. This affects us all. None of us can be fully prepared for it, but we can at least have self-defense tactics in place. The police and news reporters canvassed the neighborhood to speak to people about this case. Everyone was pretty much shocked because Castro was a good neighbor. As I told you, I shook his hand, so we can never know.

I am Queen Duafe and I write for all women because we all descend from the same place, in the heart of the motherland. We have the same organs and bleed the same way when we are wounded. We set up barriers between each other as if we are superior because of our skin complexions. We should know better. A woman is a woman and a man is a man and we must not fight.  We should embrace and love one another. I just want to hug the three women and say, “sisters, you will get pass this. You can do it.”

I live in a mixed-racial community where I also work. At least six times a year, a police officer or family member comes into my place of employment with a poster of a missing child or woman. I have never seen any with men or boys missing, but I am sure there are some. No matter what area of the city, there is always a girl missing! At other jobs, I have experienced the same thing. A mother, a father coming in with a poster, asking the staff had they seen the child. I knew many of the children that were missing, some recovered, some not. I have had conversations with fathers, only to find out months later that they had been raping their daughters. These things are ugly, but I am prepared because mental sickness is rampant. I have heard men call their wives queens only to abuse them emotionally and physically behind closed doors. My attack is not on men, because I love men. My intent is not gender or culturally- based. It’s just a story.

Earlier this week, a man at work asked me to view a film called Heading South. It was a movie about sex tourism where Caucasian women from the United States went down to Haiti to have sex with young Hatian boys in the 70s. These women were sometimes married and would pay for the sex and give the boys gifts. The target was only on African/Haitian boys. These women got away with it because of the political unrest that was happening in Haiti during that time period. They should have been arrested.

When I first started watching the movie, I was disgusted because one of the women had a monologue about being 40 and fawning and eventually sleeping with a 15 year old Haitian boy. Honestly, I had to stop myself from throwing up! The man at work, a Caucasian man, kept asking me to watch it so that we could talk about it. When I finally talked to him about it, he said that the film was “erotic.” I do not want to paint the picture that that was all he said, but it was his final critique of the film. I found that hard to grasp because there was nothing erotic about it to me. I suppose that it is a matter of opinion, but erotic? Not a word I would use. Let me say that the man is older, in his 60s and I engage in conversation with him every once in a while.

He said to me that he understood the women’s point of view: they were old and felt undesired. They could go to Haiti and escape all of this and feel loved. Ok, there are many things wrong with that statement, but my point is, there is a mental sickness when it comes to humanity in this country. People indulge in the idea of eroticism and exoticness when it comes to darker people. The women in the film were in love with the Haitian boys. They talked about their skin complexions and how it turned them on. This is so sad to me. We are all just people. I get the feeling that the man who I was talking to about this film might have been trying to see where I stood on this issue from his own point of view. I feel like this because of my past encounters with him. He seemed to be searching for something and he thought perhaps I might be too.

Well, I am not searching for a cookie-cutter exotic experience. I do not want to be used as anyone’s slave to any degree- not at work, school, social places, etc. I am not erotic. I am not someone’s toy. I am NOT. The women on Seymour Avenue were not. The women on Imperial Avenue were not. The girl in the basement on East 117 Street was not! We are NOT toys to be fiddled with and we cannot be used to satisfy someone’s sick reality of acceptance. I don’t want to be accepted for my sex or skin. I am a human being, belonging to the ONE RACE.

Being attracted to someone because of their color is a bit disturbing. There is something not right about it. We are most often around people who share our same heritage, stories, and lifestyles. In America, that means race because of how the country was built. We are obsessed with skin color! Naturally, we can be more inclined to like certain people, but to target a certain group and then at the same time hate them for their skin is horrendous! The women in the film thought they were doing the boys a favor by supplying them with gifts and money. At the end of the movie, the boy ended up getting killed because of his prostitution and relationships with these women. The message was very deep. Did they really care? Selfishly they mourned the loss of their lover, but they went right back to America and continued on in their lives. The young boy prostitute was disposable. How sad.

Peace and love,

Queen Duafe for African Essence

Spring Fashion on a Budget

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Hello! Jambo! (Swahili welcoming)

This year, I am exploring longer (maxi) skirts for the Spring. I like them in this weather because they protect me from the changing elements that come with the season. For example, where I live, the mornings can be a bit chilly. Then by 1 pm,  the weather will warm up. Wearing a lengthier skirt allows you to be prepared for all weather as well as various social situations such as work, lunch dates, or after work shopping. They are more versatile than shorter skirts because they are widely accepted and normally help women to appear more elegant.

Maxi skirts look beautiful as they have the tendency to scream maturity and feminine softness. You should try them!

Maxi Skirt

floral maxi skirt from a local boutique; clearance $10

This is a faux leather wedge sandal that actually feels really good. Got them maybe 3 years ago… they were cheap. They are by Guess… I believe the line was G by Guess

I normally don’t dig floral designs, but this skirt stood out for me. I like it a lot and have been wearing it since 2009. It flows in the wind, making it very “queen-like.” You will love it! I encourage people to spend as less money as possible on clothes. You can have a nice wardrobe for cheap. If you like challenges, try dressing for less. Save your money and buy a passport or passports if you have a family, and travel the world.

Queen Duafe for African Essence

P.S. Need some music? Check out my QueenPlayList for Saturday…

Heartbeat by Nneka, Valley by Nneka, Fellowship by Me’Shell Ndegeocello, Neon Valley Street by Janelle Monae, Do You Like the Way by Santana f/ Lauryn Hill and CeeLo, and How Many People by Ayo.

Five Artists 2

Other artists to explore…

Five Artists

*Note: Depending on the speed of your browser, the photos may appear different. Also, I really appreciate you visiting African Essence! People are asking why they can’t comment and/or like the posts: the thing is, this is a wordpress hosted blog which in this case means that you can comment and like posts if you are logged in to your wordpress account. However, you can comment and follow the blog using your email address. Please do! You can also share the posts on Facebook and Twitter by clicking on those icons at the bottom of each article. I could always use the support.

Peace and love