What Should I Wear Today? Thrifting, buying only what’s on sale and re-inventing your old clothes…

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When speaking with teenage and pre-teen girls, the most popular and sometimes most difficult things for me to discuss are…

1. how to dress
2. how to stay clean (hygiene)

HOW TO DRESS
It can be difficult to influence the way a young girl dresses because the world is mostly telling her to wear the tightest and most revealing clothes she can find. However, finding acceptable attire that makes a young woman look respectable is possible. The trends have shifted since the early 2000s, but it seems that they are stagnate right now. For the past 8 years or so, it has been all about skinny jeans and leggings. I can barely stand either! It is an easy way to say, “I don’t really care about how I look, so I am going to buy what is on display in the stores because it is easier to just blend in.” Honestly, when shopping, it is hard to find a nice pair of jeans that are NOT labeled skinny. The most popular item for women right now is leggings and blue jean button up shirts that are priced way too high! Come on, you can get one from the thrift store for 3 bucks! You should never buy clothes unless they are on sale! Yes, I said it.Young girls are always growing so why spend loads of money on things they will grow out of next month? Why spend loads of money, period?

Check out this blog on thrifting. You can do a youtube search for thrift store hauls to see how people transform thrifted clothes into masterpieces. Adopt styles that are colorful and vibrant instead of revealing and dull.
thriftionary.blogspot.com

Check out this wonderful blog!

You don’t want to end up looking like this! Absolute no no!

STUCK ON STALE
I do not desire to tell a young woman to stop wearing what is trendy. My initiative is to encourage her to find the type of clothes that best fit her and to stop buying what is “hott.” It is not hott when everyone is wearing the same uniform. Isn’t that just like being in school? I always hear young people complain about school uniform. So why buy the same things that everyone else has? The same shoes, the same fake long hair, the same shirts, the same jeans- the same style! Try something different and wear your own hair young lady! This is what I have seen the constant use of hair weave do to a woman’s hair.

I tell girls to try to listen to whats inside of them. Go with what’s natural and leave the fake in the store. A good place to start is to ask their parents to take them to the thrift stores, Salvation Army’s, and Goodwills. There, they can find unique items that speak more to their personalities. It is also cheaper and will allow them to have 3 shirts instead of 1. Sometimes variety is good.

It can also be difficult to explain to a young lady that Air Jordan’s (the tennis shoe) are not really designed for a woman’s foot. These shoes look hideous on women to me. They are too masculine. This is just my opinion. The girls always show resistance to this when we talk about it. Some listen, some continue to ask for these expensive ugly things. It may just be something they have to mature out of.

TRY THIS…

HOW TO STAY CLEAN
FEATURED BLOG : http://www.africanexportsblog.com/
Yes, we have all smelled an unpleasant young woman before! We have seen weave tracks, and plaque on teeth, and dirty bra straps. We have seen clothes that are too small, what appears to be ash on ankles, necks, faces, and feet. We’ve seen nail polish that has gone bad 3 weeks ago, we have smelled bad breath, saw body parts falling out of clothes… these ARE ALL THINGS THAT SIGNIFY BAD HYGIENE. You have to be careful when teaching this to a young person because many of the girls I talk to, have not been taught how to be sweet young ladies. By “sweet” I mean smelling good, feeling good, talking good, looking good.

Hygiene always starts inward and it oozes outward. What you are on the inside determines how you look. This starts with KNOWLEDGE. Put a book in a young girls hand. Visit your local library and request books on “teaching young girls about personal hygiene.”. Talk to them. Address hygiene issues head on. Pull them to the side and talk about it in a passionate way so that they can feel comfortable. Take them to stores like JCPenny’s or Victoria’s Secret where they can get properly measured for bra sizes. Get their feet measured at Famous Footwear or any department store. Buy measuring tape from the dollar store and show them how to measure the width of their hips and the width of their waists so that they can find the proper sized clothing when shopping.

Show them how to shop for sanitary napkins, getting the healthiest brands with the least amounts of bleach and chemicals in them. Tell them how to wash their bodies when bathing. Buy them soaps that won’t irritate their skin and that are sodium lauryl/laureth sulfate free. Give them scented oils that are natural instead of perfumes that are NOT. Many things can fall under this category and it is not easy to talk about it all the time, but you must. Show them how to take care of their own hair instead of funky weave! Girls should be wearing their own hair! Maybe adding a little color would be cool, but that’s it!

Love this girl!

More tips…

In the end, I like to stick with all homemade and natural products like coconut oil, shea butter, coco butter, olive oil, rosemary oil, aloe vera, etc.

STYLE SUGGESTIONS: TRANSFORMING OLD CLOTHES
I really the It’sMyRayeRaye Channel on Youtube

After looking at these videos, you will come up with many many more ideas!

Peace and love,

Queen Duafe for African Essence

My Duafe Throne- When I do poetry, I sit on my Duafe Throne!

Headwraps & Afros- Solange & Today’s Black Woman Style Report Magazine

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Solange

I understand that Solange is big in the media right now because of her modeling and the types of clothing she wears. I am not into jumping on bandwagons but after looking at some of her pics, I definitely agree that she has style. She is going against the grain, choosing to cultivate her natural beauty rather than mimicking the fake identity that is labeled “trendy.” That is evident in this video:

Solange’s uniqueness is oozing out in all of her artistic endeavors. The video above is cool in many ways. I like the design and setting, the people, and even Solange’s dancing. She is moving to her own beat and I can dig that. The stylist responsible for her look in this video is Ty Hunter. After doing some research on Mr. Hunter, I learned that his styling is definitely worth following. Although mainstream, he brings a wonderfully earthy and colorful angle to his client [s].

In addition to Solange’s music and modeling, she is a DJ and budding fashion ICON. She seems to have a good attitude and knowledge of herself so perhaps she can tackle fashion and identity. I like that she wears head wraps and “ethnic” designs. I’ll keep an eye on her.
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Ever once in a while I look at style magazines. Most of the time I cannot bear to look in them because I do not like the images of women that I see- painted faces showing no traces of reality. Often times the clothes are a bit overbearing as well. I have learned how to have a discerning eye.

THIS IS THE COVER OF THE APRIL/MAY 2013 ISSUE OF TODAY’S BLACK WOMAN STYLE REPORT MAG. I LIKE the golden dress on Megan Good (I am not sure if I would wear it, though!)

I can appreciate some things about these sorts of magazines. My wishful thinking makes me think that perhaps one day, the world won’t be so consumed with sex and the physical. If you are conscious of who you are, you won’t buy into these things. Sadly, many of us are not and we end up thinking this is what we are supposed to look like.

Material things are not what defines us. Black and beauty are not synonymous. If they were, women would not spend so much time trying to change into something that they are not via clothes, make-up, etc.

The outfits that I am sharing may encourage you to find your own style. They are not meant to encourage you to copy someone else’s. In saying that, I saw a few good pics that I want to share that could add some flava to your wardrobe. What do you think?

I LOVE THE STOCKINGS IN THE MIDDLE!

I LOVE THE COLORFUL SUIT ON THE LEFT!

I LOVE THE HAIR AND THE GRAY SUIT AND SHOES! THIS IS GARCELLE BEAUVAIS.

Today’s Black Woman Style Report April and May 2013

WOMEN’S STORIES- The ART of STORYTELLING

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Storytelling is a creative art form that dates back to the beginning of time. It has been one of the most effective methods in communicating and in sharing history. It allows us to break down and let it all out! I personally love to share my stories with people as part of my cycle of growth. I have loved and been loved; I have hurt and been hurt- telling these stories are liberating!

No one can tell you how to tell your story. You have to decide on the best way to share your life. Some people will like what you do, and many won’t, but if you keep a clean heart, the world will return the positive energy to you.

I most often choose to tell my stories using poetry. I look like this when I do (lol).

I find it refreshing and it gives me a crazy boost that flows through my entire body! It’s hard to explain. My style is at best rhythmic, but the cadence changes just as the temperature of my stories change. My pulse goes up and down and through the roof! Even when I’m calm, I’m excited inside. I tell women’s stories because I AM WOMAN. Some of these stories are bright and cheerful, and some are deep and dark, but in the end everything is good.

In storytelling, I have learned that denial is not an option. The truth sets me free. My perspective is what’s most important in my art of storytelling. I mesh together what I have learned with what’s happening now. The past, the future, and the most important- THE PRESENT! I am here RIGHT NOW! Not tomorrow or yesterday- now!

In my continued celebration of women I would like to share with you a small gift that a very special person gave to me … Nikki Giovani’s book “My House.” Published in 1972.

The guy that gave me this book is someone that I talk to in passing, but he’s almost a stranger. Somehow he understood that I adored poetry and he decided to give me this book as a gift for Women’s History Month. Much love to him for thinking of me. What is so special about this gift is that pages 25 and 26 are missing! The poem that is supposed to be on these pages is called Just A New York Poem. This is weird for me because New York has been on my mind for weeks now. He gives me this book with the poem ripped out! Interesting. I feel like I needed that poem to be in the book, but it is not. Well, the rest of the book is great. Check it out if you can.

I like Nikki’s poems. I met Nikki Giovanni during my undergraduate studies at Fisk University. She once attended Fisk and she was a visiting professor for some time. I really dig her evolution as a woman. Her stories travel deep into the soul and resonate. She tells the truth. I appreciate Nikki Giovanni and all the women who boldly tell stories of hurt and triumph without placing blame or pointing fingers. Peace to all Queens who have stopped hiding. Peace to you.

Queen Duafe for African Essence

Akua Naru & Aziza Yasmine – Much Style & Much Flava

Posted on March 9, 2013 by Shila Iris

Most people who know me, know about my TWO loves:

Melodic Poetry & Natural Beauty

Akua Naru, lyricist, is the definition of femininity IN poetry at its finest. Redefining hip hop, her lyrical prowess is a sultry caress to my ears- so much soul.

Aziza Yasmine, natural hair stylist, softly caresses the tresses to bring out the best in every woman. She has been transitioning women back to their natural roots since the 90s after returning from a trip to Africa where she learned many hair techniques.

These two women visually remind me of one another. They have similar spirits and do a great job at their crafts. Upon listening to Akua, I get butterflies. For me, this means that I am learning and believing and feeling a kindred spirit. When in Aziza’s chair, I feel a level of trust that I have not felt with many others. I adore these women and in celebration of WOMEN’S HISTORY MONTH, I want to honor their contributions to WOMANHOOD. They are very much alive and moving and are helping women to define what they are. Choose to cherish your true identity, and not live in vain. BE YOURSELF. Start listening and start appreciating what you are. Check out the video below to hear what Akua has to say about telling stories and about womanhood. I like her message. What we must realize is that the way we talk, the way we look, and the things we do, define us. Your physical identity tells the story of your existence, just as your words and actions do. Make sure you’re living righteously and putting out love. What you give out is exactly what you will receive. Live, learn, and change. Grow up, not down. Peace!

Sisters in struggle,

QUEEN DUAFE FOR AFRICAN ESSENCE

LET MY STORY REACH YOUR HEART

Posted on February 20, 2013 by Shila Iris

JAMBO! (SWAHILI WELCOMING)

In this very new year, I want to take a minute to remind everyone what African Essence is about. I love doing this blog and I am very thankful for everyone who reads the articles, follows us, and everyone who sends positive vibrations this way. We will continue to encourage people to find out WHO and WHAT they are in this very tough world. We added a new tab above. PLEASE CHECK IT OUT! The story is a wonderful testament TO LIFE. It’s tough to share stories where we play bad roles, but I am brave in this manner. May the story reach your heart and journey on with you. Hope you learn from it.

This year with every new post, we use a soundtrack of songs to express the messages. The playlists are very diverse. Music is a great connector when trying to communicate. For the feature article, the playlist is the following:

Nneka: Heartbeat

Lyrics: “You throw stones, can’t you see that I am human, I am breathing; but you don’t give a damn.

Madonna: Secret

Lyrics: “Happiness lies in your own hand, It took me much too long, To understand how it could be, Until you shared your secret with me…”

Janelle Monae- Neon Valley Street

Lyrics:

May this song reach your heart
May your ears love the sweet melody
Every note, every chord
I’ve arranged them for you and for me

May the sound of my voice be your guide
Bring you closer to me
Let us bathe in the noise
Let the love in your heart speak to me

For now, I’ll pretend
I’m holding your hand

We met alone forbidden in the city
Running fast through time like Tubman and John Henry
But the time was wrong
Illegal aliens moaned
It’s such a pity that the city’s just a danger zone
Atomic blues bombing hearts like Iraqis in Babylon
The droid control will take your soul and rate it
Berate, slay it
You hate it and debate it but you don’t get caught
And outlaw outrunning the law, ha

May the strings make you smile
May they always remind you of me
For now let’s pretend
I’m holding your hand

THESE SONGS ARE AMAZING. THEY HELPED ME FIND MY WAY BACK FROM A CONFUSING STATE. MAY MY STORY REACH YOUR HEART. EVERY WORD, EVERY SYLLABLE- LET IT GUIDE YOU…

THE STORY GOES…

We have never attracted negative energy within the realms of African Essence and don’t intend to start now. We say this because there are some very horrible and spiteful forces out there that attempt to critique and judge and pretend to be GOD. Well, we have to fight them and keep it positive. Despite these negative influences, we are still powerful and full of love! We want to give that love to whoever is willing to receive it. In doing so, we cannot dwell or be held down by anything that happened in the past. It’s like the history of the African in America. It is wise that we definitely acknowledge our past, but we have to keep moving. If you are the same person that you were 6 years ago, then you are dying.

I am queen. I always tell people, I am not the same person from yesterday. Each and every day I grow and learn and live and breathe and thank the universe for allowing me to be a part of it! Here, at African Essence, we march forth in our desire to be the best!

We will not allow our past to suffocate our future. That’s what I am and who we are!

African Essence is a spiritual place for people who want greatness in their lives. Our readers are dedicated and have shown great support over this past year. They have helped us to grow and change in a positive direction. We gather and talk about identity, culture, and many other topics that help define who and what we are. Thanks to everyone who supported African Essence through this first year of blogging.

I (Queen Duafe) started African Essence because young girls ask me all the time about the way I dress. The way I dress can be described as colorful, original, and most definitely ethnic. My ethnic dress code is not strictly African, although it is what I love the most. I am of African descent living in America. That means a lot when it comes to identity because the identity of the African American woman has been tampered with from Harriet Tubman to Michelle Obama.

Moreover, I admire and adore Indian and Caribbean dress. I study dress codes from all over the world. My garb is not really about fashion. Actually, fashion is the least of it. It is really more about discovering one’s true identity. Before you can ever begin to cloth yourself correctly, your mind has to be righteous. If you are thinking sexually, than you project that. If you feel horrible, you may just look that way. If you have nothing but brown shoes and white button up shirts in your closet, you have got be able to be comfortable in it. Wardrobe is not about getting attention. It is about being able to walk into any situation and look confident. Through African Essence, we help you choose the clothing, accessories, and attitude that look best on you.

When you are dressed comfortably and respectfully, you are able to achieve much more in life. You cannot be at your best if you are looking your worst. African Essence is about helping women to adorn themselves in a way that is pleasant and respectful. I cannot describe my dress as fashionable, edgy, fabulous, fierce, or any such term. I can only say that, what you wear reflects what you are. So often do we see women in clothes that are too small, too tight, too big, too dull, too crazy, or just NOT becoming of who or what they are. We never want to draw too much attention to ourselves with our attire. We just want to cultivate a good spirit world around us. I am confident in everything that I wear and from my experiences, I pull some great energy from my dress code alone! Sometimes, I may wear something catchy, but the universe knows that my intentions are to help people and give them a broader perspective on how to dress. I do not desire attention. I find that people with low confidence and esteem, who really admire my style can show hate instead of love. It doesn’t faze me, though! I love you too.

Our women and girls need an alternative to modern day FASHION. The women portrayed in media are often nude, light, with long hair and eye lashes. They show off their curves in the worst way and they force our younger generations to think that the less you have on, the better you look. I see girls do it all the time. It doesn’t do them any good in the long run, if they want to admit it or not. Show some respect to get some. Be all that you can be… I believe in you.

I do not pretend to be perfect and I do not encourage anyone to do so. We all go through trials, life is that way. Pointing the finger and attempting to ‘expose’ someone via the digital landscape is never an acceptable way to express your contempt for another. It is COWARDLY. I encourage all who visit African Essence to keep it positive and show some love. All other things are not necessary in this spiritual circle. We are beautiful. God created me just like he/she created you! I am African and so are you! Love me or leave me alone! Our ritual at African Essence is to put out love. We do not allow hate to poison our cipher.

DO NOT LET THE CIPHER BE POISONED-

THIS IS A SPIRITUAL AND RITUAL PLACE

In saying this, I encourage you all to click on my FEATURE STORY tab above. This year, I will frequently feature a new story that I hope can help or inspire someone to change their life. These stories are written by me and are real.

Peace and love to you.

Queen Duafe for African Essence

My New Year Start’s Today

Posted on February 13, 2013 by Shila Iris

Today is February 13 and it is my birthday! I am excited! I never really get excited on my birthday but this year I am grateful for so many things, including all the new and wonderful people who have become a part of my world. I can thank my greatest friend in life (he knows who he is) for introducing me to so many new ideas, people, and feelings… we have a chemistry only true friendship can understand.

SMOOTH IS LIFE TRAVELS WITH YOU BESIDE ME… Thanks for being real and being so kind and tough and respectful and thoughtful and supportive. You have helped me evolve as an artist more than anyone. Peace and love to you always.

So… I love being an Aquarius. The sign defines me and I define it. Now it is time to write.

This is my first blog entry of the year. I wanted to write many times, but for some reason I could not! I think I had to get into the groove of the year. I was discouraged from making observations about the year and making resolutions until I made some major decisions about my life. My new year starts NOW- February 13. My birthday always feels more like a new year for me. In the past I have not been a big birthday person, but it means a great deal to me this year because I feel like I have more wisdom than I ever had. I have grown tremendously and I do not mind getting older. I welcome age. I can already see myself loving my gray hair when that time comes!

WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT GETTING OLDER…

I’ve noticed changes in my body. It looks like I will have to get more active this year because my skin feels different and my face looks a bit different.

I’ve noticed changes in the way that I think. Things do not affect me the same. I want more now and I have this constant desire to find freedom.

I’ve started to face reality. I used to struggle with the here and now. I wanted people to be how I wanted them to be and I wanted them to change on the spot. I am not too concerned with these types of things anymore. My biggest concern is connecting myself with nature and seeing the world.

I used to have time to waste, but as I get older I realize that I need to keep pressing on. I do not want to play as much anymore (well, maybe just a bit). I love to have fun and smile every moment that I can… smell the flowers, if I may. I just realize that work and play have to match. THE KEY IS: USE MODERATION IN EVERYTHING THAT YOU DO. Overuse and abuse make you grow old faster. Bad habits make you grow older as well. Only take what you need. Only buy what you need. Only use what you need. I accept enough to get by. Do not be greedy. Have you ever been at a cook out and watched that one person load their plate up until it is spilling over? Then they laugh and make meaningless comments trying to come up with an excuse as to why they are being greedy? DO NOT BE THAT PERSON. Take a little and leave some for others, move on. Do not accept anything for free. Work for the things you desire in life.

2013 HAS BEEN GREAT!

I ushered in January with history and poetry and art. I celebrated Kwanzaa with a group I perform poetry with: The Griot Project. We celebrated our 2^nd Annual Kwanzaa this year. We had all observed Kwanzaa in the past, but we decided to celebrate it together and invite people to our celebrations. For 7 whole days we did this. Each evening we had a brief ceremony, ate, had discussions, took pictures, gave gifts, and glowed in the midst of our ancestors knowing they were proud that we took pride in our African American Identity- no watering it down.

I made Kwanzaa gifts. Since I paint and create, I love to give people art. I used old vinyl records to create Africa-inspired designs.

I enjoyed making these gifts and spending time with friends. I invited my friend Robert over ON my day which was Nia: Purpose (we all take a day and do research and share our findings with everyone who comes). He brought his friend Jennifer who I had never met. She later connected me with another poetry group in Columbus,Ohio. I was very grateful. This is why I enjoy meeting new people because it seems we all touched each other and were there at that particular time for a reason. THAT WAS MY NEW YEAR!

I also spent time with my friends from Umojah Nation Reggae Band. We went to Oil City, PA. They had a 4 hour gig welcoming in the New Year! Yes, 4 hours! It was fun. I do not have a picture from that day because I think everyone was too cold to pose!

Well. this year I hope to do some extensive traveling and see my family more.

More to come…

Check out my birthday playlist:

1. Jill Scott: Spring Summer Feeling

2. Telepopmusik: Don’t Look Back

3. Esthero: Thank Heaven for You

4. Janet Jackson: When We Oooo

5. Madonna: Secret

6. Maxwell: Bad Habits

7. Corinne Bailey Rae: Closer

8. Portishead: All Mine

9. LiAnn La Havas: Don’t Wake Me Up

10. Erykah Badu: Out My Mind, Just in Time

Peace & love and thanks for reading,

Queen Duafe of African Essence

Style Ideas for African Essence Queens

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Outfit Elements:

1. The Crown- I really love my hair short. I’ve kept it short for the past 6 six years or so. Right now, my grooming regimen is simply brush curls. This is- taking the softest bristled brush you can find and brushing your hair in a circular motion, allowing the natural curl pattern to become very defined. I use a a shea oil mixture from aiiznaturals.com to condition the follicles. I then use a non-flake gel (Eco Styler) to hold the curls in place. However, most of the time the gel isn’t necessary. The curls will just stay because I have tightly coiled hair.

2. Manicure- Clear polish.

3. Make-up- I normally like my lips tinted, but I am not wearing any make-up in these series of photos.

4. Jewelry- I wore two sets of earrings. The first set was a bronze colored pair that I got from Kohl’s. The second pair, I got from a natural hair fair that came to my city about 3 years ago. An African vendor sold them for $15 a pair. She made them and painted them by hand. The rings were from various vendors at festivals. They are copper. One is shaped like an ankh and the other is an abstract design. I wear them often. The large bracelet is from an annual African street festival held on Jefferson Ave in Nashville, TN between Fisk and Tennessee State University.

5. Dress- DOTS (on clearance for about $7)

6. Tan sweater- JCP ($20); multi-colored sweater- DEB ($5); large reversible scarf- Forever 21 (maybe about $14)

7. Stockings- Target ($6 on sale)

8. Fringe boots- $10 (Sears/Kmart website on sale w/ free shipping!)

9. Notes & Style Rules: It is rare that I pay full price for any item of clothing or pair of shoes. It is mos def possible to dress for cheap. The items that I like, people don’t normally go for, so I can find them for dollars. Also, I am not into designer brands. So no, I did not need the Minnetonka boots although I know that they are a better quality. Maybe one day, but not for now. I didn’t need to spend much money. These cheaper fringe boots are working out just fine for me.

The dress was a great find. I love the textured look. It matches the stockings. I’ve gotten similar dresses from the thrift store.I do not like a lot of the clothes at DOTS because they look cheap, but the key is to go for those items that you can make look more elegant.

Also, have rules to what you can and cannot buy. For example, I do not ever wear stripes! I think stripes do not compliment what I am- my skin tone, my hair, my mind- they are just not for me. In the cheap female clothing stores you will see a lot of stripes. People go for that, but I go for the items with patterns or for the items that are plain. Another of my rules is not to purchase anything with a logo or name brands unless its something I got from the thrift store. I do no like to rep any company.

Overall, because I buy for cheap, I can splurge on other things when I need to. I work in a casual environment so if I wanted to wear this outfit to work, I would put on the longer sweater so that my butt would not show. At night, to go out with friends, I can wear the orange sweater with the designs. It does not cover the butt (keep in mind it is still appropriate for the African Essence Queen, nothing too revealing). Also, I convert all earrings to clips. I cannot get pierced ears because they don’t agree with my body. I buy clips on earrings at Claire’s on clearance and remove the clips and use them on other earrings. I also buy them from JoAnns Fabrics but they don’t sell any comfortable clip-on findings.

Queen Duafe for African Essence